Mr & Mrs Smith

The wide-eyed children and their bipedal, human-sized cat hold up their hands in welcoming salute as Mrs Smith and I speed past on our bikes. Before there’s time to acknowledge them, we encounter a blocky but brightly coloured family decked out in their Sunday best and a dozing giant half-encased in rock, while a series of outlandish geometric shapes and their reflections vie for our attention in the middle distance.

It might sound like a good acid trip, or a late Beatles song, but in fact we are cycling around Yuzi Paradise, a wonderfully idiosyncratic sculpture park 30 kilometres from Guilin in southern China. Founded in 1996 by eccentric Taiwanese entrepreneur Tsao Rhy-Chang, and containing more than 200 works, the park is perhaps the main reason to visit Homa Chateau, located within its grounds.

As well as the aforementioned figures and forms, the park features an open atelier where you can witness new pieces taking shape and learn to make your own art, as well as beautifully landscaped gardens, picturesque mini-lakes and ornate bridges arching over babbling brooks, all watched over by the towering limestone karsts for which the region is famed.

Not to be outdone by its surroundings, Homa Chateau, too, is a visual feast. The building itself is both strikingly modern and in keeping with its environment, its sloping, grass-covered roof blending seamlessly with a glass-fronted façade. Inside, the gallery theme continues in the reception atrium; an understated water feature replete with sculptural pieces here, elaborate fairytale-esque high-backed chairs there. Indeed, all of the hotel’s public spaces – from the art-pocked hallways to the fantastically shaggy-all-over lifts – are adorned by quirky flourishes that had us inquisitively exploring every nook and cranny.

Exploring is what this place is made for. So, after we investigate the interior thoroughly (we agree that the ‘tree’ hosting a family of carved wooden owls is our favourite), Mrs Smith and I eagerly grab a couple of complimentary mountain bikes and ride off in search of further treasures. The park is not huge, but it’s easy to spend a few hours leisurely pedalling from one curiosity to another, snapping delightfully offbeat photos along the way. And if cycling seems like too much effort, there are also golf carts customised to look like classic cars, which can be hired by the hour.

Once you’ve had your fill of cycling (or driving), you can drift a bamboo raft out onto the small lake or take a dip in the pool. Unfortunately for Mrs Smith and I, the bamboo rafts are apparently out of commission while we’re here, and we don’t fancy the pool, so we pass on an aquatic experience. More satisfying water-borne pursuits can be embarked upon in Yangshuo and Guilin, where a cruise down the Li River and a bamboo raft trip down the Yulong River are essential excursions (the Homa staff will happily arrange your booking at no extra cost). Afterwards, you can ease your action-weary muscles at Homa’s Flying Spa, an attractive and soothing space where the therapists specialise in Chinese, Thai and aromatherapy treatments.

Homa’s savvy design philosophy extends to the sleeping quarters, where 46 individually styled rooms embrace five themes: modern Chinese, cave-style, lin grass motif, contemporary, and those decorated with sculptures by Taiwanese artist A-Kan. We can’t help but be a little disappointed by our room, which is neither particularly large, nor unusual. Given its overwhelmingly European feel, we can’t shake the feeling that we’ve somehow ended up in Belgium. Curiously, the bathroom is separated from the rest of the room only by clear glass. Now, this is not without romantic potential (watching Mrs Smith shower certainly beats Chinese state TV), but it also makes relieving oneself a spectator sport.
Heading down for dinner, we’re hit by another snag: the spectacular underground cave restaurant that we’d been excited to try was closed, and plans to open it are still up in the air.

Thankfully, the other dining options are attractive enough to compensate. There’s the eminently stylish Lotus Restaurant, which offers an Asian-fusion menu in an airy, chinoise-chic space, the casual Moon Lounge with its inviting, purple chairs and understated modern design, and the tranquil, alfresco Wind Forest Café. We plump for the latter, and settle down for an early dinner of thoughtfully prepared regional classics. It’s also possible to dine at various spots around the grounds, including by the lake or among the pine trees.

It’s worth mentioning, though, that Homa is fairly isolated (it’s around an hour by car to the attractions of Yangshuo and Guilin). This is perfect for escaping the madding crowd, but makes you something of a captive audience. Thus, it’s not entirely surprising to find that the menu tends towards the overpriced, and although the food itself is fine, we can’t help wishing we were closer to the myriad dining options of those tourist meccas.

Our bellies full, Mrs Smith and I get comfy over cocktails as the sun sets behind us, the fading light making the karsts look all the more fantastical. With the canopy of trees above us and the resident rabbits hopping furtively around in the undergrowth, it’s sundowner heaven. There are some things Homa has turned into a fine art…