Puro Grand Hotel

Sensible cap on, there are many rational reasons to pick Puro Grand. It’s only a seven-minute stroll to Palma’s majestic La Seu cathedral, and just a few steps more to the beach. It’s pet-friendly. And it’s tucked down a serene Mediterranean side street, where wrong-footed holidaymakers waltz back and forth to the rhythm of an online map discombobulated by ancient, 5G-resistant walls. 

But where’s the fun in picking a hotel for sensible reasons? 

So, here’s the truth: I booked Puro Grand for its ceiling. 

I’m of an age where ceiling beams will do that to a girl (middle-aged woman). However, this is no predictable high point – even for Puro Grand’s architects. They knew the 15th-century palace had good bones, as gaze-lifting sandstone arches in the lobby attest to. But it was during the hotel’s 2022 metamorphosis that builders, then archaeologists, discovered something far above the expected: beams, as old as the 12th century, painted with the crest of the royal family and inscribed with messages in Arabic. In other words, a step up from stripping your bedroom wallpaper and unearthing a phallic symbol from the Nineties. 

Like most treasures made more precious by their scarcity, only one room offers the full reveal and that’s the first-floor Essence Suite. It’s worth limbering up with a few cat-cow stretches to get your neck accustomed to scrolling up, not down. On entering, that journey spans five whole metres: from the plush geometric rug at wooden-floor level, past trendy stainless-steel side tables, the bed’s giant Arabic-style headboard and a three-tier chandelier, until you reach the summit. Here, cocoa-rich woodwork, hand-painted with exotic decorative motifs, summons you to lie back and think of anywhere but England. 

Mr Smith, suspicious that it wasn’t just good luck that bagged us a room with such blatant Instagram fodder, would have shot me an ‘I’m onto you’ eye-roll had he not been too busy manspreading into the headspace. As a six-foot-three-er with an unfortunate natural magnetism for attic rooms with sloping ceilings, our suite proved a collective no-brainer. 

The most decadent viewing deck lies chin-deep in bubbles in the freestanding tub. The bathroom, modestly described as enormous, runs along one end of the suite and makes a strong bid for being a statement feature in its own right. It has a signature scent (the exquisite Dr. Vranjes Firenze, whose olfactory notes always say luxury); a duo of stone sinks that beckon you to tease your fingertips along them; a balcony-hugging window bench from where to survey your kingdom; and finally, what we’ll call (un-fact-checked) Mallorca’s tallest waterfall shower. 

Such characterful details make you forget that Puro Grand isn’t an independent address at all, but part of Puro – a brand famous for sleek and scene-y beach clubs that usually exude more of a Marbella vibe than a Moorish one. There are perks to being part of an extended family, though. Adjoining the property is the cool-kid Puro Hotel Oasis Urbano: all Ibizan whites and Kentia palms, it has a pool-topped roof deck that you can scoot up for nosy glimpses into neighbouring apartments (I mean, ocean views). Turn left down the street and Palacio Can Marqués, the glamorous older aunt, boasts a spa. 

Yet the vibe inside Puro Grand is all about the individual. For starters, you are elevated from strangers to WhatsApp buddies at check-in. Unlike with your real friends, you’ll actually want to read these notifications: such as being tipped off the second your room is ready ahead of the standard check-in time, or asking them to kindly sort your restaurant reservations without a hint of a pass-agg response. In fact, the staff are impressively cheerful. We’re here in November, following a long, hot summer of being nice to people, and still: wide, authentic, happy-to-see-us* smiles. (*OK, mainly our dog.)  

As far as workplace toil goes, Puro Grand is one of those spaces where I imagine you catch yourself grinning. It is a looker. More than that, it’s atmospheric. There’s an art-gallery or decor-store vibe – minus the pretensions – where warm light pours through Crittall windows, original stone floors and pillars ground you in the past, and inventive design details bounce you into the present. There are more vases of flowers than people, which is always a favourite metric. Another? That the breakfast spread runs over two rooms.    

Puro Grand is a hotel packed with art and artefacts, yet your gaze will still gravitate all the way upwards. Its palatial proportions are a welcome novelty compared to the head-bumping budget airline you likely swore under your breath at on the way over. But its walls are a history lesson, too; Mallorca’s Moorish roots enticingly flashed above you. In an age where the generic often trumps the authentic, that to me is sealing – or should I say, ceiling – the deal.