Como Alpina Dolomites

‘That looks like one of those astronaut hamster wheels,’ I muse to myself as I steadily notch up a few laps at Como Alpina Dolomites’ heated indoor pool. In my eyeline is a glass-walled studio containing a connected series of metal circles, each the diameter of an averagely tall human. A little investigation confirms that this is indeed a 3D Space Curl machine, NASA-approved, no less, and able to work your core in every dimension — as long as you’re happy for those of us relaxing poolside to witness your abdominal strength, presumably.  

Wellness at Como Alpina Dolomites is a serious business: this new-in-2023 hotel, crowning the Alpe di Siusi (or Seiser Alm) plateau in the Dolomites, is the Asian hotel brand’s first venture into the region, bringing its hallmark Como Shambala treatments and long experience in providing top-notch sauna and relaxation to South Tyrol’s mountain playground.  

Not that Mr Smith and I have been taking our wellness seriously enough, apparently: it takes us longer than expected to navigate the spa’s labyrinthine layout and discover the Finnish sauna, making us three minutes late for the guided sauna ritual. A bemused member of staff appears, explaining that because ‘nobody had turned up’, she has cancelled the session. Three minutes, people!  

The clock-watching therapist relents and sets up a shorter steam, just for us, with aromatic oils and guided wafts of a towel to send heat our way. Ironically, I now have even less sense of time. My advice: if you’re taking up one of the hotel’s planned daily activities, arrive early.  

Spa time here is only a third of the story, along with a photogenic location that’s ideal for outdoorsy pursuits, and gong-worthy gastronomy. Mr Smith and I are checked in to a Mountain Room in the main building, dressed in shades of blue from ice to Italian-football-strip with a generously sized sitting area, a vast, cloud-like bed and floor-to-ceiling views of the piste.  

Our mission of choice on our one day to ski is to attempt the Seiser Alm Ronda. We’re both experienced skiers; we take route notes and café recommendations from the well-informed concierge, and arrange our kit, locker and lift passes the evening we arrive, so that we’re all ready to set off straight after breakfast. On our first morning, the amazing Gianni, who runs Como’s ski room, already knows us by first name and has arranged our skis and poles on the racks outside, ready for departure. 

Como Alpina Dolomites is truly ski-in, ski out (no marketing bluster here): there are a couple of chairlifts you can ski down to from the door, and the hotel is right beside the top of the bubble lift that comes up from Siusi, which is where most day-trippers arrive from (driving up during the day is for permit holders only).  

Seven hours, one funicular railway, one bus, one sweaty traipse across Ortisei, several cable cars, uncountable chairlifts and an impressive tally of thigh-burning descents later, we are victorious. We’ve squeezed in a coffee-and-kniakiachl stop (doughnutty, delicious), as well as hearty Tyrolean knödel (dumplings) washed down with syrupy, brandy-laced bombardini for lunch; one unnecessary hooligan of a black run, and a hilarity-prompting slalom race (fast, icy, unstoppable) that leaves us both with new-found respect for those who professionally whizz past blue and red poles.  

We have earned our Saturday-night supper at Trattoria Dell’Alpe, the hotel’s fine-dining restaurant: it sits in a chalet-style nook beside the main bar-lounge, but its timbered walls, linen-topped tables and low-hanging tasselled lampshades set it apart. Chinking our glasses (Negroni for him, caipirinha for me), our dinner is off to a good start. We’re not knocking the meltingly good beef osso bucco we devoured at Alpina Chalet Grill and Bar the night before, but the trattoria takes things up a culinary notch.  

English is, understandably, the wait staff’s third language after Italian and German, and linguistic difficulties mean we come close to contracting gout. Firstly, if someone suggests that salt-crust-pastry-wrapped sea bass is the speciality of the house that you should definitely order, return to the menu to verify just how much fine fish will be coming your way. Despite the waiter’s enthusiasm, it was always doubtful that one kilo of fish was a good option for two.  

Secondly, beware using the word ‘selection’: Mr Smith’s attempts to ask for a few antipasti, because he can see that our main will be enough to feed the 5,000, result in us being brought a taster of Every Single Starter. We are undone by octopus carpaccio, delicate prawns, charcuterie and work-of-art pasta before the salt crust is anywhere in sight.  

Victory may be sweet, but even defeat can be palatable when it’s a line-up of polished Italian plates that prompts your surrender. Como Alpina Dolomites excels in exceeding your expectations; the service is flawless, thanks to friendly and knowledgeable staff, and there’s a luxury in its location atop what is a supermodel of a Dolomite plateau.  

I may not have been ready to hook up to an astronaut’s gyroscope, but our weekend with Como certainly entertains on a higher plane.