Voltaire

Slip beneath the warm waters of your indoor pool as an orange sun rises above a backdrop of violet clouds and rolling green hills: the perfect serene start to your luxurious Voltaire escape. An 18th-century barn conversion tucked in the patchwork-quilt landscape of Axnoller Farm, this immaculate stone property sleeps 12 and boasts a private no-need-to-share spa, in which we defy you not to spend the lion’s share of your stay. Pristine limestone floors and polished plaster walls ooze and spread around your very own swimming pool, sauna, steam room and treatment rooms, while a loaded gym upstairs tempts you to work off any excesses. This is a sharp, minimalist, deadly designer hideaway, that’s both richly luxurious and extremely comfortable. But there’s no real need for magniloquence here. Three words will do: pure secluded splendour.

A settlement of 14 houses back in mediaeval days, Axnoller Farm, with its brought-back-to-life barn Voltaire, has its wellies planted firmly in the 18th century. And it enjoys a prime position in 200 acres of jaw-droppingly beautiful countryside. Originally a dairy farm, and surrounded by generations upon generations of neighbouring farm families, you’re very much in huntin’, shootin’ an’ fishin’ territory here… with a Dorset – not southern American – drawl, of course.

Enter the stone barn and an immediate sense of the very special encircles, traps and reels you in. The ground floor consists of an open-plan living room, kitchen and dining area, yet with absolutely no compromise on space. It’s huge. Double-height ceilings and an upstairs gallery preside over gleaming glass lamps, limestone floors and a white spotlit kitchen so flawless that it has surely never been used before. Everything here is on a big scale: the enormous Buddha head, the cinema-huge, 42-inch TV, the 20ft-high, hand-painted mock flock design – etched so delicately on the wall that at first you barely notice it’s there… It all unfurls around you, making you want to stand in the middle, throw your arms out and start spinning, in order to take it all in.

Aubergine-coloured undertones, overtones and all-aroundtones thread from this space throughout the rest of the barn. Deep brown-and-taupe sofas and daybeds are piled high with silk cushions lined with delicate piping, and you can crouch before a winter-perfect remote-controlled ribbon fire that dances along a purple wall. It’s a glamorous yet relaxed space that would suit self-catering sophisticates as perfectly as groups of families with children. This barn was made for extravagance and entertaining.

Throw the barn doors open wide onto the immaculate landscaped courtyard with its outdoor dining table for 12, barbecue, cedar hot tub and fire pit – and you also have access to your own lawn that’s just crying out to host a wedding reception, birthday party or anniversary bash. More than 12 in your party? Hire sister barn Burggraaf – it sleeps a further 12, has dining room space for 24 – and enjoys its own pool, meaning you still won’t have to share yours…

Journey up into Voltaire’s heavenly upper levels and engineered walnut floors steer you around bedrooms in which marshmallow-soft kingsize beds drown with lost-count-of-the-threads Egyptian bedlinen, Andrew Martin fabrics and jewel-fringed silk cushions. Further flock motifs, hand-painted by Adrian Everitt, swirl in aubergine and violet hues, while Chinese lacquered trunks and leather-covered dressing tables teem with plasma screens, suede chairs and sumptuous throws. Pristine, boutique-hotel-style bathrooms, punctuated with Aromatherapy Associates goodies, are limestone cubes of deep tubs, cubist taps and fluffy bathrobes. This is about as far away from self-catering as it gets.

In this, the heart of Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall country, where many locals enjoy an organic, self-sufficient way of life in a dramatic Dorset setting, there’s nothing for it but to surrender to The Good Life yourself. So kick your wellies off, step inside and settle down to your ‘welcome home’ clotted-cream tea arrival – because something tells us you won’t be leaving this barn for a while.

Reviewed by Charlotte Crisp