Mr & Mrs Smith

A sumptuous picnic is spread out at the foot of one of our planet’s most famous mountains. The sun is shining, the sky couldn’t be bluer, and we’re surrounded by big-bloomed exotic flowers and smiley happy people. A little further down the green, grassy slopes a small group has gathered as part of a wedding celebration; here within grasp we have our own bottle of bubbly on ice. Creamy cheeses, homemade chutneys and just-baked treats from Melissa’s Food Shop wolfed, and we head to our home from home here in a leafy residential neighbourhood. So, can you tell where we are yet?

Back at our beautiful bolt hole, Beaumont House, we’re in the pool gazing up at that magnificent flat-topped outcrop again, with the sound of soft jazz emanating from an elegant sitting room. A couple relaxing on sun loungers are chatting about mooted plans to retire here from Chester. ‘This isn’t how I’d pictured Africa,’ says my beloved, reaching for his just-made latté.

Cape Town is where we are, and more specifically, upscale Upper Claremont, a skip from Kirstenbosch Botanical Gardens in Constantia. It’s a European-feeling enclave of this cosmopolitan southernmost city. Blessed with a Mediterranean climate, and jaw-dropping geography, if it weren’t for the unmistakeable sight of cloud-kissed Table Mountain it would be hard at this very moment as we splash about to know exactly which charming corner of the globe we’re located in.

Owned and run by British couple Gill and Peter Deering, Beaumont House is a tastefully renovated 1930s property, in the heart of the most exclusive part of this sprawling South African city. The Deerings, who left Surrey 10 years ago for a life in the sun, are central to the hotel’s success. It’s the couple’s native-like knowledge of the surrounding area – which not only includes the tourist spots of the coast, but also some of South Africa’s finest vineyards – that makes a stay here.

The Deerings certainly brought with them their very own bubble of the high life. The guesthouse’s stylish, French-inspired interiors are testament to their impeccable taste. The overall effect is one of serene sophistication. The combination of light, airy design – all pale colours and clean lines – and well-chosen antique and contemporary furniture is a stylish antidote to the bustle of the city. If you are lucky, your stay might coincide with one of Gill’s showbiz friends’ visits and during cocktail hour, maybe they’ll make the most of the piano in the ivory-hued living room.

There are five spacious bedrooms, each offering stunning views over either Table Mountain or the Kalk Bay Mountains. After a spruce up in our suite and an aperitif of local fizz, we head to one of Cape Town’s most celebrated restaurants, Aubergine. Usually nigh impossible to get a table there last-minute, not only have we got one, but it’s in the garden just as we’d hoped, thanks to a phone call from Gill. After spoiling ourselves with the restaurant’s delicious tasting menu, we return to discover more special treatment await us in the form of some nightcap chocolates in our room. A word here on our lovely boudoir: picture a master suite in a modern-day Hollywood film about a couldn’t-be-more perfect family and you’ll be getting the right impression. Add to that thought bubble, Pop Arty portraits of Audrey Hepburn and you’ll definitely be along the right lines.

Now, something we haven’t mention as yet about our stylish escape, we have a sidekick with us. Along for the ride on this relaxing break is in fact our one-year-old toddler. As though we’re holidaying with loving, glamorous youthful grandparents, our hostess has prepped not just a cot, but she’s even included a few thoughtful amenities – to use hotel parlance – for junior. So pristine are the linens and toys the seem brand-new – that is the Beaumont House way.

The next day, after a delicious continental breakfast on the terrace, we set out to experience lots of Cape Town’s sightseeing must-dos. A short drive and we’re at a choice of the Cape’s finest white sandy beaches. Another spin in the car heading further south and we reach Simons Town. Hopping out at Boulders Beach, cameras at the ready, and we hit the world’s most famous penguin-covered beach. It’s an incredible sight – hundreds of the black-and-white birds usually associated with icy climes bobbing in and out of the ocean and frolicking on the sand. ‘Remind me which continent we’re in again,’ jokes Mr Smith.

After an early supper at ocean-air-infused Live Bait in delightful boat-filled and seal-populated Kalk Bay, we are happy to stay in on our second night. (Even though the offer to use the sweet babysitter we had the night before is of course there.) Our return to our bedroom is greeted by yet more unstinting attention to detail. On the king-size bed, a TV guide is open to tonight’s programming, with a remote control placed temptingly across the pages, along with some movie-time snacks. Wow – now we know what it must be like going home for the weekend if your mum is Martha Stewart. Chilled wine on tap, warm British hospitality, chic snow-white soft furnishings, and the best of what one of the most inspiring cities has to offer within easy reach – it’s Africa, but not as we’ve known it.