Arena: November 2003

Lover’s guide
Volume of best British hotels for dirty weekends published

The “two-night action break” has to be detailed with an almost military mind;  get it wrong and it definitely won’t be a case of ‘it’s the thought that counts”.  Hence the need for Mr & Mrs Smith.  Covering everything from your boudoir’s fabrics to the surrounding landscape, it’s your definitive “love weekend” handbook.  Here’s four relatively undiscovered gems we found within its learned selection.

Whatley Manor
Easton Grey, Malmesbury, Wiltshire, SN16;  01666 822888;  £275 to £850 including breakfast.
Allure:  Maximum points.  A country manor restored to represent the apex of rural relaxation with a two-to-one staff ration, and home to the only UK spa featuring an ultra-lux La Prairie five-star “The Art Of Beauty” centre.
USP:  A punctilious ethic pervades at Whatley;  from the traditional stonewall that took a pair of craftsmen two years to construct to the subwoofers built into the bath tubs.


Drunken Duck
Barngates, Ambleside, Lake District LA22;  01539 436 3347; £85 to £165 including breakfast.
Allure:  Seclusion.  Located near the infamous Lake Windermere but otherwise in the crystal clear “middle of nothing”.
USP:  The Drunken Duck has its own brewery and each potent beer is names after a pub pet that’s resided there over the years, meaning you can get thoroughly “in your cups” while paying homage to the memory of a much-loved hound and Donald Campbell’s final flight.


Rick’s
55a Frederick St, Edinburgh EH2;  0131 622 7800;  £100 (plus VAT).
Allure:  Convenience.  Dazzling local natives into the sack has never been easier than at Rick’s, where a short stumble across the courtyard for you and your partner (new-found or otherwise) leads to ten delightfully personal bordellos.
USP:  Aside from the fresh oysters and some of the finest cocktails Edinburgh has to offer, Rick’s is both conveniently and cruelly located equidistant from Harvey Nichols and House of Fraser.


Didsbury House
Didsbury Pk, Didsbury Village, Manchester;  0161 448 220;  £125 to £300
Allure:  Watersports.  In addition to its affable discretion, each room features an oversized bathtub with easily enough room for two, perhaps even three.  The sky’s the limit, really.
USP:  Mr & Mrs Smith’s critical eye for Didsbury was Arena’s own overseer Anthony Noguera, whom having “never spent a sober night in any hotel”, found the “freshly cooked, extra-late Irish breakfast” as being just one of many trump cards.

Mr & Mrs Smith, Spy Publishing Ltd:  priced £19.95.