Casa Malca

Don't come to Casa Malca.

Don't come unless you like white sand in your toes and aquamarine waves poetically crashing into each other nearby.

Don't come unless you’re cool with tacos and jicama mezcal cocktails being mere inches from you at all times.

Don't come unless spending the day swaying on a variety of colorful hammocks sounds like your ideal situation.

If you can stomach the idea that you'll forget the need to wear shoes, and that the sky is just that blue at all times, then sure, come to Casa Malca. But only if that sounds okay.

Otherwise, forget it. Don't come. Leave it for me.

The design? Yeah, you'll like the design. The buildings themselves are minimalist and mostly concrete. It gives the space a clean slate to counter with bright, bold art and carefully selected colors in every room. And to get anywhere – the restaurant, the pool, the lobby – you simply walk through the sand, past palms and hammocks.

The resort is the property of New York-based art dealer Lio Malca, who renovated it from top to bottom, filling each corner and crevice with his own private collection of art. Even the juice bar is enlivened floor-to-ceiling with a Keith Haring wallpaper that transfixes. Naturally the extensive selection of art is audacious and eclectic, with lots of familiar names represented – Haring, George Condo, Kaws, Kenny Scharf…

Oh, and we should probably address the fact that, yes, it was owned by Pablo Escobar. Yep, the Pablo Escobar. In fact, the property was abandoned in 1993 when Escobar died. Malca bought it in 2012, and Casa Malca opened officially in 2015.

But back to the design. The pool – ahh, the pool… Feel free to splash, lounge and order refreshments to your hearts delight as music softly plays overhead. But there is a pool feature that is a true showstopper: a separate underground pool.

It doesn’t sound all that revolutionary but, once you take the steps downstairs, you discover the air is filled with warm steam, yet the water you’re wading in is ice cold. It's magic. And yes, very conveniently there are plush, ocean-spying day-beds, and the beach is monitored constantly to ensure nothing spoils its seclusion.

I did get out of the enclosed resort, once. But I made it count. To leave, just borrow one of the many bikes and make your way down the street until something catches your eye. You'd be wise to stop for a matcha coconut latte at the cutest roadside stand where the menu is written on a surfboard, and the chairs are swings.

If you keep biking down the road, you’ll happen upon the most special Mayan-inspired boutique and quickly realize it’s Caravana: home of those boho style cover-ups you’ve been lusting after on Net-a-Porter. You’ll be grateful that your bike has a basket to put your new purchases in, and you’ll head back noting all the places you’ll want make a return trip for.

Another beloved local favorite is renowned restaurant Hartwood, where sustainability and (incredible) local foods are the main focus. But for now you’ve got to get back – too much resting and jicama cocktails to attend to.

The crowd staying at Malca is an interesting mix of cool Europeans, New Yorkers down for some Vitamin D, and good-looking locals (I met a handsome chef from Hartwood by the pool).

And the food? It’s focused on light fare, inspired by the Yucatan cuisine and local ingredients, all while maintaining an eco-friendly approach. But all I can hear, see or say is: ‘GUACAMOLE’ which, along with rest and relaxation, is exactly what I came for.

I got all three in spades.

You’d probably hate it, though…