Mr & Mrs Smith

Eat at The Dogs (+44 (0)131 220 1208) and feast like the gods (or, more realistically, like occasional visitor Hugh Fearnley-Whitingstall) on plump cuts of meat, punchy flavours and fresh ingredients. It delivers utterly swoon-worthy fare on Hanover Street. Tired of Dogs’ dinners? Go to their second eatery a few doors down and eat Italian-inspired cuisine at Amore Dogs (+44 (0)131 220 5155) the fennel, orange and anchovy salad comes highly recommended.

The hotel bar and The One Below lounge club are just seconds away from your bedroom, so you’ve no excuse not to have some alcoholic frolics during your Edinburgh stay. Alternatively, check out Element (+44 (0)131 225 3297) on Rose Street, a stylish bar combining chic design, superior service and an expertly created drinks list.

Café Royal Oyster Bar (+44 (0)131 556 1884) on West Register Street is an Edinburgh institution. The eatery dates back to 1862 and is beloved for its succulent seafood and Victorian elegance. Be sure to admire the hand-painted Royal Doulton tiles and beautiful marble oyster bar, while you deliberate over the Scottish-produce-championing menu. Combine sex and sugar at the Boobytrap on William Street. This saucy lingerie boutique has a café in the back, so Mr Smith can bite into ‘DD cupcakes’ while Mrs Smith slips into something more handkerchief-sized and see-through.

Having wined and dined within the hotel, venture forth to the castle and shop along Princes Street. William Street, just a short walk away, is equally good for flexing the plastic and the quirky little boutiques are a more individual alternative to Princes Street’s dominantly high-street complexion. If you’re blessed with sunshine, have a ramble (and a picnic) in Princes Street Gardens. Culture-vultures will love the National Gallery (+44 (0)131 624 6336) a mere stroll away at The Mound and flora and fauna fans should visit the Royal Botanic Garden on Inverneith Row.

25 January Burns Night when the populace tucks into haggis, neeps and tatties, toasting the Scottish Bard (www.rabbie-burns.com). June Leith Festival, for open houses, concerts and exhibitions (www.leithfestival.com). July Edinburgh Jazz & Blues Festival (www.edinburghjazzfestival.co.uk). August The Edinburgh Festival colonises the town, along with the Fringe (comedy, plays aplenty), Book and International Film Festivals (www.edinburgh-festivals.com). 31 August–1 September Edinburgh Mela: Asian festival in Pilrig Park. 29 December–1 January Edinburgh’s legendary four-day New Year’s celebrations, better known as Hogmanay.