Mr & Mrs Smith

Tucked away off the high street of the cute market town of Swaffham in Norfolk, this boutique hotel is in fact set in a beautiful Queen Anne Palladian villa set in its own close. The warmly welcoming owners, Vanessa and Les, greeted us and, once checked in, we were ushered back out onto the drive and taken across to a converted outhouse set apart from the hotel – our home for the weekend.

An appealing mixture of modern and ethnic decor, and split between two floors, the Opium Suite is so much of a haven even the chooks were determined to cop a look inside. Downstairs is the sitting room, with a walk-in wet room behind glass bricks (first-time-awayers may find themselves waving goodbye to a little of that mystery). As for the bath, we found it standing at the foot of the bed upstairs – fabulously unconventional. If you’re planning a detox, this is the retreat for you; everything is as organic and eco-friendly as possible, even the bubble-bath. We had other plans though, and a complimentary bottle of Madeira caught our eye.

After familiarising ourselves with the bar situation (for the rooms without minibars, it’s located in a dresser in one of the drawing rooms and is run on an honesty basis) we were ready for a wander through Swaffham before dinner. There, we were treated to an unexpected auction: lots of country folk in wellies, Barbours and flat caps crowded around a hoary old man with hub caps and tools spread out on tarpaulins in front of him – all advertised in that incomprehensible auctioneer patter. There were also some great cheese and fish stalls at the market, which got us in the mood for our supper.

Les and Vanessa really are in their element at dinnertime; she cooks and he’s the host. Les serves drinks in one of the two adjoining drawing rooms and takes your order. I had a perfect Kir Royale by the fire and gazed at the unusual art while Les talked us through the wine list. Actually, one of the highlights of our stay was Les on sommelier duty; his enthusiasm was most endearing.

Aperitif down the hatch, we moved into the hotel's cosy restaurant, where a mural of an Italian summer country scene, small windows, low ceilings and church candles create a pretty, cosy feel. It is wonderfully intimate, and thus not a place to discuss anything delicate (although after a while we became oblivious – who could resist so many great half bottles of white?) The food is hearty all-organic English fare, served in contemporary style: home foods with a creative twist. Les’ talent for description extends to the cheese. He described his favourite variety as having a taste ‘reminiscent of corned beef’ and I confess I found it hard not to chuckle.

In accordance with the hotel’s eco conscience, if food is not grown at the hotel (all the eggs come from the chickens we’d met), it’s from local farmers and producers. So green-minded is this Norfolk hideaway, Strattons' stringent recycling policy has even won several awards. Meals are always a great time to clock your fellow guests, and though we’d noticed a septuagenarian majority in the sparsely populated town, the hotel’s guests were noticeably younger. A young Camilla Parker Bowles-a-like, with pearls, turned-up collar, and hubby resplendent in blazer and tie chatted amicably with a Duffer-clad twentysomething urbanite and his girlfriend.

Dinner was a hard act to follow, but breakfast was just as impressive. Exceptionally tasty eggs, bacon, mushrooms and delicious eco coffee in huge mugs set us up for our walk to the nearby beach (and soothed the consequences of champagne in the bath in our bedroom the night before). And wow, what a beach. Who knew beaches like this existed in our Blighty? Sand-dunes and a long, flat expanse to fly our stunt kite from – it’s so massive it feels like no one else is around, apart from the birds. Surrounded by the Holkham Salt Marshes Wildlife Reserve, we saw thousands of Canada geese. When they took off, we stopped and stared: the sky went black and they made a right royal din. Talk about disturbing the peace – at least it wasn’t us, for a change. But we couldn’t help it at Strattons; the decor, the food, the surroundings – everything about the place is worth shouting about.

This boutique hotel and restaurant in Swaffham was reviewed by Mr and Mrs Smith